超速罰單

今天收到這個月的第二張超速罰單，而且金額比我以前收到的都大，第一時間看到有嚇到我，而且心情低落了一天。 當然超速是我的不對，這點不用懷疑。但我心情低落的主要原因在於想到長輩會因為錢的數目而責怪數落。成長的多年來我常常覺得我是很會消耗家裡錢、成年後沒有什麼大成就的人。即使現在的薪水不像台積電頂尖，但偶爾是旁人表達羨慕的數字。對於羨慕的聲音，我自己沒有太多的感覺，反而擔心賺的不夠多、不夠讓小孩接受好的學習、不夠讓家人吃好的健康的、不夠未來我和老婆退休用。 我月租的停車場老闆貌似沒受什麼教育、愛咬檳榔，曾經因為其貌不揚而被退租的租客投訴看起來像流氓。但他將停車場照顧的很乾淨、建的廁所也清洗的非常乾淨且完全沒有臭味。每一次他看到我回到停車場，都還沒到我的位置前他會幫我把我龍頭沒上鎖的機車移開，叫我別下車直接停進去。三四年前長輩打算來租相同的停車場，老闆當時還特地來跟我說這件事，還問我："你要讓你爸停你旁邊嗎？你旁邊的車位是有人看上了，但我可以橋。" 才沒兩秒，老闆看我面有難色，他馬上笑出來說："沒關係，我懂的，爸爸跟兒子之間有時候會需要一點距離。" 今天回到停車場剛好遇到正在騎機車跟後座朋友聊天的老闆，打了招呼就跟老闆說待會有事想跟他討論，他馬上調頭回來問我是什麼事，這還蠻讓我不好意思，因為他看起來有事情，後座也有朋友，我不喜歡這樣麻煩別人。 他一聽我問說吊扣車牌半年還能不能續租、把車留在停車場，他跟他朋友馬上笑出來："靠夭咧！當蘭沒問題，啊係超速？" 我："對啊，靠XD" 老闆朋友："啊超多少？四俗齁？" 我："對，超過40..." 老闆："啊沒事啦，這裡已經有兩台了，都是半年的。" 我跟他朋友："gan真的喔！？" 老闆："對啊，小事啦，但是你要記得偶鵝要來把車子發動嘿！" 老闆朋友："你還訴口以在這裡面開來開企啦，啊別開出企就素了" gan笑死！XD 然後我沒想到，一天下來的心情低落就這樣消失了。因為是平常會經過的路段，我也的確會超速希望能快點到目的地。也許接下來的一個月還有可能會陸續收到罰單，但這我都會接受。一來我當然得對超速負責之外，我也希望能利用這個機會學習面對未來小孩犯錯時，身為爸爸的我應該要怎麼應對才能真的取得他們的信任、讓他們認為我值得信任、而且我是可以幫助到他們的。

隨筆

如果人生來到最後一天，我會想到誰？我會是對方想到的嗎？

Breaking my heart again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9iQog6EW_I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIWcOdBtLRw Heard these two songs by Michael Learns To Rock in a Ra-Men shop in Taichung two days before the end of the Lunar new year. My wife told me the chef (also the shop owner) is a Japanese, but the songs he played using his smartphone are from MLTR. The lyrics of these songs make me think the boss probably has a hell of a ride in his life. They also remind me of a relationship which could be possible but eventually ended sadly. Still can't figure out why though, I would rather not think about it. I could be wrong about the boss, but, well, listen on!

Silent night

Now my wife and kids are sleeping, and I enjoy this quiet moment of mine.

Lots of things happened this year, and they made me know the other side in me. I decided to delete my Facebook account after 12 years of use. Many people said I was brave, though it's not that a big deal to me when things happened and you got to know whom you should care more, who are your true friends, what things you should invest more time, and loyalty for yourself.

The end of 2019 is near. I think 2020 is worth expectation.

6 weeks training sessions in a row. Go go go!

North Korean Defectors

About 12 years ago when I just started learning English seriously, I met a group of missionaries from the United States. One of them was a father of a family from North Korea, and I remember his wife was a Hanguk-American as he introduced to me. I knew little about North Korea, and on our first met I asked him “I heard North Korean soldiers are strong and tough, is that true?” “YE~~~~S~~~!” He replied with his eyes wide open, and laughing, too. Soon he explained that though born in Chosun, as North Korean name their own country, he himself was not really a defector because his family escaped to the United States during the Korean War when he was a little boy, far earlier than the post-war period able to convict a person as defector or traitor if being found crossing Yalu or Tumen rivers. He was the first North Korean guy I had met, and so far the only one. I guess that was the reason why I am so interested in things about North Korea.

The Girl With Seven Names helps readers to dig even deeper into things that happen, and are still happening, in and out of Chosun, because the author Hyeonseo Lee herself had been a defector; while Nothing to Envy was completed by Barbara Demick an American journalist through interviews with defectors living in Hanguk. Both are talking about different destinies and disasters defectors with different songbun are facing. Both are excellent books.

Kindergarten

In a couple of days Eucanny will be 3 years old, and the hottest topic being discussed within family is which kindergarten and what type is best for him. The most possible time to start his school is probably either coming February or May, and now we're having two kindergartens or three in the list.

Yeah, some people might think kids' only mission is playing instead of learning any skills which in many cases make their parents proud so that perhaps it's way too early for Eucanny to go to school now.

But you know what, I am Eucanny's father, he is my son, that means he is my sole responsibility. I have got a plan and decided what's best for him. I don't care about what other people say or think, because they are not the one taking the full responsibility of my son's future. I have considered as many possibilities as I can, and once the decision is made, no one can change my mind.

And besides, everything Eucanny is and will be doing is not to make me proud. He's already a person, a buddy, a guy who can make decisions. What I do is provide an environment for him to play and learn happily, to grow up happily and learn skills he will need.

I'm going to take a draw for Eucanny in a kindergarten called Hess International. As soon as we've got this position, he will start his first education there, and that's what I'm very looking forward to because I've never been to American school when I was kid and I myself expect to learn something if my son gets the position to Hess. God, I'm already excited about it!

Morning

I had a bad dream this morning before waking up. In the dream I was on a hilly place full of grass and some stones. I saw one thing kind of like a well on the hill down below me, and while I was watching it I was going to slip down. That place was a bit like a place where Mayan or some ancient but high advanced tribe had once dwelt.

In the dream, however, it was my school where I will return to keep at the translation course. In the dream, it was the first school day and I was actually heading for the classroom, but I couldn't find the way at all. Time flew fast and five days had passed and I still couldn't find my classroom. All the "residents" I asked there neither replied me nonsense nor gave me a reasonable and clear direction I was looking for. I was angry, disappointed and.....well, angry.

Then I woke up, with a bad and negative feeling welling up, making me feel extremely foul and even making me feel like committing suicide. Though I was and am and will be by no means doing it, it felt still so bad as if something dark and invisible is nearing. Whatever that feeling was, it wasn't coming from job. It was coming from something dark or negative in my mind, and I should really find it out and deal with it. Shouldn't leave it there as if nothing had happened.

There had been time, like from my 23 to 31 years of age, that I had loved trying different things. When I found something interesting or worth doing, I quit what I had been doing and just went for it. That period had been extremely important because what I had achieved had given me enough confidence to overcome obstacles, to ignore how other thought about me, and to encourage myself to become better. I love challenging, I never choose easy paths. If anybody heard someone saying Eugene's picking up easy parts, that would never be me for sure. 

I've been also very fortunate to have encountered friends who have positive mindset and are always encouraging. They were the key roles having made me the way I am now, even they might not know it.

But now it's probably about time to dig what are in my hand deeper and make them more profound, more meaningful, instead of trying things all the time like before. It definitely doesn't mean that I'm getting mentally older. Not sure what I'm trying to describe, but perhaps just like birds knowing when to migrate, it's time to be steady, take root deeper and nourish what I am doing right now. This change of me, I truly believe it's for a big good cause.

Last year my wife and I went to Cambodia, we saw poverty, economic inequality, however, people still struggle to learn as many languages as they can to earn small wages for a living. That reminded me of how fortunate I was and how I should be grateful for what I had been given.

This year my life has come to a big change. Finally I resigned from the carmaker I had been working for six years and eight months because of numerous reasons and have received an offer from a bigger international company. Before the starting of New job, I spent one week visiting Kyoto with my wife. Here I saw an advanced, organised society, a society where its people get their jobs done properly and even beautifully, where drivers overtake cyclists while keeping a safe distance, where streets are clean, where people truly care about how to nurture pupils' creativity and knowledge of how the world works.

I think it's an ideal place I have been eager to live in, though I'm not sure how much I know this place. Indeed, every society has its own problem, but in Taiwan, the government does not care about economic and social development as well as welfare of people. In Taiwan we don't know what to show to visitors from other countries, we don't know what we're proud of, sometimes even don't know who we are.

Since I have been given the chance to work for the new company. I have a new hope that I'm able to give better life for my family and better education for my kids. I wish my kids leaving Taiwan and getting to know the world, earn a living in a country they prefer, and have a colourful life. And that means I will have to work harder, and manage my family relationship properly.

Easy to say, but I will do my best for my family.