Things in Life

now at Starbucks. as i sit down and take the first sip of grande latte (hot of course), i've got some feeling to write something down, holding the book "The Gnostic Gospel", yet without feeling like reading it 'cause currently i'm still in the mood that brought me from yesterday's farewell meal with Anet and church family as well as feeling mixed with the song "Hold My Hand" by MJ and Akon. somehow at this moment, just like video tape rewinding, i'm brought to the life i've been through since being a small child. besides Anet, besides the church family, i thought of my junior high school life, thought of every alignment taught and disciplined by teachers, thought of every piece of feeling emerged from songs that i've listened to, thought of what every friend in my life has brought me, as well as my change and huge difference from the old self.
instead of alignment, uniformity, disciplines, rules, it is FEELING that has kept me, led me, and encouraged me. it might sound nonsense i know, 'cause it's far beyond description that every language can do. but one thing i can be sure is i love my family that has raised me up, i love my spiritual family that has been behind me all these years. i am very glad during the meal, some friends came and talked and listened to me much and eventually encouraged me to go back to CCCA. that is something, feels undescribable but good for sure. it makes what i've researched (doctrine, humanity...) seem unimportant anymore...Well, i'm not saying all these stuff i've been researching is nothing. those historical stuff are something which can help us human being inspect ourselves and understand ourselves more, as well as make us more knowledgable. yet i should never let anything stop me from enjoying the feeling and love from those who care about me.
i won't stop exercising, participating in triathlon and marathon, i won't stop swimming and cycling, won't stop researching on the history of Christianity, won't let myself be stopped doing anything i love. it's time to go back, i think....don't know when, but i know i'm now returning and going to go back soon :-)