6 more days to go

before swim test.

there is going to be a swim test on this coming sunday before the beginning of lifeguard course. each swimmer has to pass the test by finishing 400m in 12 minutes (100 freestyle, 100 breast stroke, and the other 200m can be chosen by swimmers). today as usual i went swimming and after finishing 1200m, i tested 3 times how fast i could do. first was 9 minutes, second and third were 8 minutes, well, i think it should be no problem then. but i will keep testing and get myself used to the speed and force i have to make. of course the faster the better.

by the time to leave, i jumped out of water and was ready to change. i passed by the smaller pool aside, made a spur of the moment decision to jump into it. there was no one but me in the kid's pool. it felt wonderful! knees half-bent, my whole body emerged with my head above water surface, looking at the other side and recalling when i was kid i always started from there to here, recalling the first time i learned to emerge myself in water, remembering the first time i choked and it felt terrible and scary. that was the most peaceful moment i enjoyed after all these years.

somehow, i miss my childhood life.

damn i'm good

Summer is the most perfect season for swimming. I started swimming since early April, but hadn't enjoyed it until Dragon Boat Festival holiday which marked the coming of summer. Today, as usual, i went swimming after the reheasal of the concert, it felt so good jumping into pool especially in this hot summer. i planned to swim 3,000m, but when i did 1,000m i noticed a guy was swimming abreast me and even trying to take over. I was thinking "oh this guy is good, it's gonna be exciting if we race." Yet he stopped for a while and I kept swimming until the end of 1,200m, me and he kicked off at the same time, and he became real fast and I was like "O~~~right~ let's race then!" Then it just started! He was real good, it became hard to catch up with him, but at time I took over. It kept going like this and I choked a bit and felt a bit tired and we were still side by side. At the final 50m I decided to give my full power and then after overtaking him I had to stop. I was just an arm length ahead of him, but he kept swimming, didn't stop with me. He's a real good swimmer, and the race was nice. I'm proud of myself too because I didn't learn swimming from any couch, yet I was able to overtake him! I couldn't stop saying to myself "damn I'm good!"

ready to climb up from the deepest down

the company i visited today is quite spacious in its rectangular shape and has a clean environment, which reminds me of Triumph Motorcycle Ltd., they are both resemble in this way.

it was hard to concentrate. All what in my mind were “changing job”, “this is not what i want”, “i don’t want to be an engineer after this”…etc. Yet I’m still quite wondering: what do i want? What do I lack? What do I need?

i need a break, and “small summer” would be a great chance for this. i called Becky and she’s totally alright with my visiting Hong Kong. she doesn’t have summer holidays as i do, occasionally has to work on Saturdays. anyway, i will have to check up my schedule again, seems like i can only fly to Hong Kong after small summer, but that’s even better, as i can spend my small summer holidays on scuba diving course! grrrrrrreat! busy summer is coming, and i totally look forward to it!

i planned to swim just as i usually did, but as antoinette had fever and her body temperature was a bit high, me and mom decided to take her to children clinic. while we were on scooter, she sat between me and mom and her small arms around my waist and that was so special. never until today i was held by a small child who is in our blood line, and that made me love her more. even we had a good and funny time in the clinic, she was in my arm, we were watching tv, drinking water, and making sound we ourselves did not even understand. haha! last week she was diagonised with Enterovirus, but fortunately today's fever was not caused by that. thank God! soon after the prescription, she started getting hyper again! amazing, she recovered just in minutes!

thank God i'm feeling peaceful now. i really look forward to this summer, i totally need a space out. i have always had a tendency to be alone, or to go somewhere make some new friends, to get myself far far away from where i have always been; but i have come to realise that i need old friends too. that's why i'm looking forward to meeting Becky, whom i have never met since our graduation in Britain.

damn shit

i hadn't been happy during the past two days. i totally got pissed off and yesterday when i was on the way home, i couldn't stop shouting to God (which is not good i know). i know this is a training, God allowed this for my good. same things do not happen just once, they keep repeating and even i did my best to sort them out, they still happened after sometime. this is why i'm annoyed. also, i shouted to God, i have learned and can be understanding to people now, but why i am not treated likewise? i told God now i truly believe human are a creature of selfish, they always want something from you, yet they are lazy to make even an effort.

i'm so tired of this... during work time i have to get things done properly; for the church i have translations (which fortunately is my favourite thing to do); take my motorcycle for maintenance; girlfriend is not happy with me spending insufficient time online with her; i need to spend time with my beloved family; and i also need my private time, especially after a long hard day of work...

but where is my dream? where is my fucking dream? damn i haven't achieved anything and i fucking hate this!

i'm really tired...i'm sorry God, this time i don't care that much any more. i want happiness. i don't mind how those people think of me. i'm a stink jerk in their eyes anyway, i'm not going to defend for myself anymore. let go~