damn shit

i hadn't been happy during the past two days. i totally got pissed off and yesterday when i was on the way home, i couldn't stop shouting to God (which is not good i know). i know this is a training, God allowed this for my good. same things do not happen just once, they keep repeating and even i did my best to sort them out, they still happened after sometime. this is why i'm annoyed. also, i shouted to God, i have learned and can be understanding to people now, but why i am not treated likewise? i told God now i truly believe human are a creature of selfish, they always want something from you, yet they are lazy to make even an effort.

i'm so tired of this... during work time i have to get things done properly; for the church i have translations (which fortunately is my favourite thing to do); take my motorcycle for maintenance; girlfriend is not happy with me spending insufficient time online with her; i need to spend time with my beloved family; and i also need my private time, especially after a long hard day of work...

but where is my dream? where is my fucking dream? damn i haven't achieved anything and i fucking hate this!

i'm really tired...i'm sorry God, this time i don't care that much any more. i want happiness. i don't mind how those people think of me. i'm a stink jerk in their eyes anyway, i'm not going to defend for myself anymore. let go~