Heading for the Unknown

BIG SURPRISE sparks the beginning of 2012! everything feels completely different now. more responsibility and hope and curiosity seem to be coming. to my surprise, i'm happy with this change, which originally is not what i had really wanted.

look out at the sky, it looks different now, take a deep breath, the air smells different too.

this just feels...wow!

Everyone should learn to listen carefully first before making their voices.

Everyone should learn to listen carefully first before making their voices.

Why? I believe my personal situation today can be a good example.

I was on the way back to family gathering today, but I got lost in a place with same address but different township and I couldn’t get out of it (wrong address is another story). Everyone was calling me giving me direction, which I really appreciated; but one thing interesting was everyone was giving me direction before asking me where exactly I was. When I said I was near a big hospital (which is known locally), people seemed to not get what I said, they just told me to “you go that way, and then after sometime when you see the billboard, don’t mind it! Just keep going, and then turn right, after sometime just go left, when you drive for a while, go left again, and you will find a big road……)

Can anyone understand what the above is saying? Right, I don’t understand either! But everyone seemed to expect me to follow what they said, which is impossible because I hadn’t pointed out my location yet, besides I’m not from local! Funniest thing was a person asked me to “listen, I tell you, in front of you is a river, now you should turn around! Don’t go straight! Turn around!” AFTER I said twice that the river and the hospital were at my right hand side. Yes, after I stressed my location and the person still thought (or insisted) that the river was in front of me until I had to shout “STOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!! I-am-now-heading-south, the-river-and-the-hospital-are-AT-MY-RIGHT! RIGHT-HAND-SIDE!” then thing got better from this moment on.

Is this always the way people communicate? I mean: always voice before asking what the real situation is? And always expect others to understand their own knowledge in mind?

But I still appreciate their helps, really.

What a day…

Only God Knows

every day after work i always drag myself home with extreme tiredness. today is no exception, but a little bit different, because when i hopped off the train and got out from the MRT station, i heard a girl moaning to me while i was walking. i looked to where the sound came from, and saw the girl in green thin jacket didn't look well. to me she said she swallowed some pills last night and didn't feel right at the moment, and asked me if i know any small hospital nearby. i took out my phone and was going to dial 119, but she wasn't willing to take 119. her reason is she doesn't have insurance (not "doesn't have insurance card"). at this moment something came into my mind: i started a little doubting her motivation, wondering what plans could be in her mind, what she would ask me for. an old lady nearby came and tried to get what was going on, and then she started to ask the girl some questions like why she didn't want to go to big hospital, why she was going now instead of last night after swallowing the pills. she then asked me if i could lend her NT100, she said she could give me her phone number so i can dial and prove it right away. dilemma was in my mind, i didn't really know what i should do. it was not because of NT100, it was the thought "what if she is really in difficulty?" and then i decided to give her NT100 without proving it by dialing.

on the way home i was kind of sad because of my first thought of mistrust. but now i reckon i did the right thing: i didn't dial the number. i don't know what would happen after dialing it, but i suppose if i would dial, i would use my own hand phone instead of using a public one to make my own number unknown. better to keep my own number secret, as for the NT100, well, i would persuade myself that "what if she was really in need?"

Jan. 7 2012

i have given much thought about changing job. i think it's time, but not sure if this is the right decision. there has been much going on in my mind. i do need a sense of achievement from my job, or probably a sense of refreshment, i need the feeling of being needed. i don't know if these will be found in the next job, which then i come into understanding that more careful and deeper consideration is required.

what i have done are visiting and deciding the shop of wedding gowns, preparing and finishing several translations and two big presentations for the classes, being hectic from my job, hanging out with friends and girlfriend, running, bike riding, and....i can't remember. all i know are my life is busy, my mind is busy, just busy. i can briefly slip out of reality by doing exercises and watching The Walking Dead, but later on falling back to the same foul reality. still have to face what i'm doing after all.

i think most of foul feelings come from the job, so i reckon maybe the knot can be untied through getting a different one (or different something to do if not too straightforward). but question is, is this going to be the way out? i'm not sure. every time when i have the pulse to switch job, another feeling comes up seeming to tell me to think twice and make sure if this is the right time. this is one thing. the second thing is i wish to work abroad, which means less time with family and then leads to my hesitating if this is right thing to do. thirdly salary, what if the next one can't fulfill my living expenses now and after getting married?

these are no easy questions, but not that hard i know. what i need probably is just a kick. i need some motivation, something, someone to motivate me to do it.

By the way, happy new year!