Evening Marathon at Tainan

There I go again, I’m going to bike-ride from Banciao to Tainan in 14 hours followed by a full marathon. It’s a once a year event representing my deep love for Tainan, or the long gone life I once had.

Though I have kept telling myself not to worry, I still can’t help feel nervous because riding such a long distance contains safety issue which has been haunting me not to forget that I’m a father of my son and I should treasure my life. And I usually start missing my son as soon as I go for a travel. I still have no idea how to deal with this emotion.

But, I need refreshment, challenge, I need something exciting, something to spark my passion for everything. Still can’t believe I’m so cool down now. I didn’t used to be like this!

I have done such long rides twice: two-day ride on road bike in 2012, and one-day ride on time trial in 2013. This year I’m going to do one-day ride on my road bike to prove that road bike is not a problem for me. Again, this is one of the things making me nervous!

Still two weeks to go. Lord, please stay with me.

It feels like my soul has been trapped here, where I am, not my body.

I need some change, but not until very recently have I realised that I can do nothing at all without good enough financial condition. Freedom ain't freedom no more without the help of money, this is what I have come to understand now.

I need a good change, but until then I need to get myself free from financial issue first.

book reading

i've been reading The Hobbit without watching the movie yet. very slowly do i read, with the pace of about 5 to up to 20 pages per day, mostly because my time has been occupied by job, exercise, family etc, and i can only take some short time on reading. But i do enjoy it every time i read, books like this always bring my spirit to somewhere i can relax (mentally of course), and occasionally books also stimulate me to think over what kind of life i really want. like Hobbit hole, if i have enough budget, i would like to build one for me and my wife for our life after retiring.

don't know if Eucan would love reading like me or not? yesterday on the way home i found myself wishing he would be like me already, although deep in my heart i still know that he is who he is throughout his life.

new plans for this year

last week a colleague of mine came and told me i've been chosen as one member of the new team for the new car model, and have got a chance to be responsible for new parts. i didn't really believe that until yesterday my leader summoned and announced to me and another guy of our current team. today we had our first formal meeting for this new car model. i am very excited about this not only because of the chance of doing something different, but also that being chosen means ability being recognised. the schedule is tight, the plan will kick off right after Chinese New Year, but it's okay, because it's like an adventure to me, just like an unexpected journey to Bilbo i guess. i will do my best and put all i have got in this new project. i'm looking forward to it.

apart from the job, today i also got the front rim wheel of S80. well, it's time to improve my leg power. this year, i will be able to keep paddling at the speed of no less than 45km/h for at least 2 hours! this is my plan of the year!

let's run

i feel alive when having muscle soreness;
i feel alive when sweating a lot;
i feel alive when self-pushing hard;
i feel alive when enjoying warm weather;
i feel alive when seeing the crystal clear sky with long long clouds across and the wake of aeroplane;
i feel alive when breathing hard for fresh air;
i feel alive thinking when running;
Good morning!
Good run in the morning!
these are all what i got in this beautiful morning!
stand up and let's run!!

Oct. 13th, 2012

This is my boy, born on Oct. 13, 2012. If I remember right, one or nearly two years ago I didn't want to have kids at all because of numerous reasons such as kids are hard to deal with, there is no hope for this world, I want a life with freedom. 

But, this all has changed since the day I started dating with my wife Canlace and the day we were foretold about the coming of our son.

Canlace and our son. People say the process of pregnancy and being in labour are a torture, we did experience them...well, at least I did witness them. As soon as I was called into the room what came into my view were my wife with legs open and big amount of blood and busy-in-busy-out nurses and our doctor. I was called in to support and encourage Canlace, but when the contraction came and she started yelling, I found I had no words to encourage her. If I were able to experience that even once in my life, I would probably know how to; but I was speechless but whispering "go! go! push! baby! You're doing great!" 

But...how on earth would I know she was doing great if I have never had such experience?

Foot print. So cute. 

Until the moment our son was born, I had been kind of worried about my wife's condition. She doesn't do much exercise, I had been worried the process might be difficult for her, even losing her life. It was a great relief to see both mum and kid were safe and sound. Then when I sat down, I realised that I have become a father.

My boy. So proud of him, so proud of my wife.

My mum and niece and my son.

This is an internet world. It would probably be hard to find someone who have no facebook accounts. People click "like" after you post your pictures on and give some words when they want. This is of course also what I have been doing especially when my son was born. I want this world to know about the birth of my son, I want people to know that I am proud of him and how great he has changed my life. But then I found I had been a bit depressed when seeing some regular friends didn't post their words and even didn't click "like". I had been wondering: do they not care about me? My son is born!!

Sleeping

But then a word came through my mind it said, "you shouldn't attract people's attention using your son. He is him, and you are you."

Don't know where this word might come from, God or...? But it did awake my awareness that I shouldn't try to be famous through my son. I should be totally proud of him. Whatever he will do, I should not be disappointed just because what he does doesn't go my way. From now on, what I have to do is to put my focus on him, my wife, my family alone. No others. Just us three.

Now Canlace is breastfeeding him, and I am writing my blog. My employer only gives three days to fathers of new born babies and today is my first day, but it's enjoyable just being with my wife and my son.

10:10pm, time to sleep.

I want to be a good father

My son is going to be born very soon, and I am really looking forward to the day. Today I saw an article talking how Jews teach their kids, and I found what the article says totally match with what I plan to do in the future. What it says include: let the child be themselves, parents should know themselves more, help children know themselves as early as possible, kids should eat on their own without parents’ help…etc. It also tells of not taking accompanying kids as a kind of responsibility. And, yes again, this is what I totally agree, but I will have to remind myself more of this in the future.
 
Many friends have asked me “your son is going to be born within a few weeks, are you feeling nervous now?” My answer to that is “Of course not”! I am expecting to see my son. I have been looking forward to see him since when I was still single. Nothing can change this, and I am not going to change as well.
 
The article also writes of some other things which are very important and make me reconsider about the way I am now, like am I still following others blindly rather than making decision based on my judgment. Jewish education doesn’t encourage obedience, and this is totally different from Taiwanese education. I even wonder, maybe this is part of the reason that Christianity is not popular in Israel. Well…this is not the case anyway.
 
I want to be a good father. My son is going to be born, and I expect to hold him in my arms. I want my kid to enjoy his life happily. I will respect what he wants to do (as long as they are good things). I want to make a deep emotional connection with him. Besides the role as a father, the role as a friend is what I wish to have with him in the future.
 
I am still thinking about what sort of name is best for my son. His Chinese name will beYou-Kai Huang (黃佑凱), and the relative English name I originally thought of wasEucan, which is the combination of my name (Eugene) and my wife’s name (Canlace) and reflects the meaning of confidence because it sounds like “You Can”; but then I decided not to adopt this name because of a friend whose daughter’s name is also the combination of his and his wife’s. (well, I would like to be creative.)
 
So…what name should I have for my son? Still thinking about it…

every once a while

about every once a while the idea of working and living abroad would come up in my mind. today it did, what's different is now i completely know it's my own wish instead of reasons like "it's for my kid", "it's for my family"...etc. i wish to see more, i wish to put myself in a totally different environment, i think this would be a good challenge, i always think so.

一日雙塔

This year I have not had many tournaments to go for, mostly because of our unborn baby. Our son has been kicking and punching since his 20 week of age. It feels so interesting and happy feeling his powerful kick, sometimes he responded our calls and touches on Canlace’s tummy. We are both very looking forward to our son Eucan.

I have focused more on bike-ridings this year. The biggest change is bicycle has become my transportation since early April. My original intention was to keep shape as the end of May was the wedding of me and Canlace. Of course I would not stop this habit after the wedding, so I have kept at it so far. The weather is getting hotter with the coming of July and August, I ride to the office through the city and back home over the mountain, just as usual. The mountain is farther though, it is much cooler and the riding is more enjoyable.

Last Saturday the Taiwan Iron Banana guys had a 240 km bike tournament at Hualian, and I thought riding bike everyday was enough; but then it turned our that I didn’t finish the whole race. The weather was too hot, Jovi came and got me into his car at my 150km. I was so frustrated and confused. Then when I thought back, the reason I didn’t finish the race was very probably because of two: 1. my practice has been in the evening not morning, I haven’t trained to endure hot weather; 2. the first 30km I tried to follow Jovi and other riders instead of pacing myself. Then at the end of 30km, I totally lost all my strength and couldn’t breathe properly, even I had no strength to get to my feet. I was so afraid of passing out and… A thought ran through my mind “what if I passed out and never woke up? What if I couldn’t see my unborn baby? What if I couldn’t see Canlace?...”

Next Friday I am going to challenge myself with a longer bike trip called Two Lighthouses in 24 Hours (一日雙塔): from Fu-Gui Lighthouse at the most northern tip of the island to E-Luan Lighthouse at the most southern, 522km in total. I will go with a friend from T.I.B., and if the trip is successful, then I will surely feel much better since the great failure of Hualian tournament.

Honeymoon to Malaysia

our first trip abroad, excited!!!